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The Beginner's Guide To Theatrical Pop

by Spence Hood

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1.
Put your ear to the ground It's the most magnificent sound When the midnight train comes Rumbling through this town Feel the wind rip through your clothes Where it's headed, nobody knows But my bags are packed And by God, I'm ready to go Don't be concerned if I return as somebody new People change, it's all the rage And I've got nothing To lose Put your ear to the ground It's the most magnificent sound To this Earth, my friend We're no longer bound
2.
I got a friend who don't know which side to sleep on But every girl in town wants to help him decide They all know he won't stay the night But you gotta give him props for trying Bless his soul It don't take a mile in those loafers to see He's just a chauffeur back home A couple milligrams and a TV show They go down better alone He goes "Why should I make up my mind Just to change it overnight What a magnificent way to waste my time You know I would rather live my life Rife with riddles Lying in the middle of the Kinsey scale The world's a buffet And I came to get my fill" I got a friend who hasn't paid rent in ages In the minds of every man this side of the tracks Mmmm They all know he's a little green The weekend queen is new to the scene Some say he's a tourist, oh well All those purists can go to double-hockey-sticks Until they wanna leave a happy man alone He goes "Why should I make up my mind Just to change it overnight What a magnificent way to waste my time You know I would rather live my life Rife with riddles Lying in the middle of the Kinsey scale The world's a buffet And I came to get my fill I'd die before I sit still" "Why should I make up my mind Just to change it overnight What a magnificent way to waste my time Oh, you know I would rather live my life Rife with riddles Lying in the middle of the Kinsey scale The world's a buffet And I came to get my fill"
3.
To the water Father Finlee walks Hardly bothered By the ten-pound lock 'Round his ankles Every step he takes Heaven's angels Tremble in his wake Never seen a wall so high Watch dogs around the clock Guards at every corner (And they don't bother calling the coroner) Once a man gets locked inside He's here 'till the reaper knocks Or so they thought, 'till they saw one night That man escape, and to this day Every inmate knows his name To the water Father Finlee walks Hardly bothered By the ten-pound lock 'Round his ankles Every step he takes Heaven's angels Tremble in his wake Legend has it he was raised in an attic Mom and dad could barely afford the same pattern Of asylum after asylum Prayin' to Poseidon To keep the darkness outside of him They say he never uttered a word Until the crucifix around the neck Of a corrections officer Caught his eye He said, "My, oh my" "I think I just found my ticket out of Hell on Earth" To the water Father Finlee walks Hardly bothered By the ten-pound lock 'Round his ankles Every step he takes Heaven's angels Tremble in his wake It only takes a week or two To break a god-fearin' man Ease him in with the small talk (And then plant ideas 'til his ears fall off) Finlee played that guard like a fiddle Turned his own fears into a homing missile "Father, can you save my soul?" "First, you gotta bring me a little C4" Bang, FLASH! Take an educated guess How the blast didnt singe a single hair on his chest He just stands in the rubble, beneath the floodlights When despite the chains on his feet and weak muscles He walked off, spawned a generation of knock-off Fanatics who got caught claiming they was raised in the attic To follow in the steps of a priest Who traded his fate for the depths of the sea Feet hurt Hands are dirty Warden says supper ends 'round 5:30 But I don't think We need to save him a seat tonight Feet hurt Hands are dirty Warden says supper ends 'round 5:30 But I don't think We need to save him a seat tonight Feet hurt Hands are dirty Warden says supper ends 'round 5:30 But I don't think We need to save him a seat tonight Feet hurt (To the water) Hands are dirty (Father) Warden says supper ends 'round 5:30 (Finlee walks) But I don't think (Hardly bothered by) We need to save him a seat tonight (The ten-pound lock) Feet hurt ('Round his ankles) Hands are dirty (Every step) Warden says supper ends 'round 5:30 (He takes) But I don't think (Heaven's angels) We need to save him a seat tonight To the water (To the water!) Father Finlee walks Hardly bothered (Father Finlee) By the ten-pound lock 'Round his ankles Every step he takes Heaven's angels Tremble in his wake To the water (To the water...)
4.
My attention she rolls between her thumb And her index finger Boys, they linger at their own demise Eyes of emerald, like the hems she's been practising On Goodwill sweaters Now, where's her Parsons letter? She might not know that I exist But just wait till I'm a buck fifty And get that old Camino fixed Bailey by design is a someday sort of valentine And my oh my what a someday that'll be Bailey takes her time with cream and sugar and the crooked lines Of that note that I know she'll never read Baby, that's fine by me Cause while Bailey's stealing peeks between her stitches I might steal one for myself Thirty seconds, that must be some kinda record Before some lovesick fella asks me "Honey whatcha making?" Can't you tell, I'm making plans To dress the world with these two hands Don't need no man to 'splain it to me Unless that man's on laundry duty Maybe when I'm old and rich (Maybe when I'm old) I might find some hand to hold But I sure won't hold my breath Bailey by design is a someday sort of valentine And my oh my what a someday that'll be (Someday that'll be) Bailey takes her time with cream and sugar and the crooked lines Of that note that I know she'll never read Baby, that's fine by me (That's fine by me) Cause while Bailey's stealing peeks between her stitches I might steal one for myself I tell you Bailey by design is a someday sort of valentine And jam on rye, what a someday that'll be Don't ya know that Bailey by design is a someday sort of valentine And my oh my what a someday that'll be Bailey takes her time with cream and sugar and the crooked lines Of that note that I know she'll never read Baby, that's fine by me Cause while Bailey's stealing peeks between her stitches (I ain't got not time for midnight kisses) I say while Bailey's stealing peeks between her stitches I might steal one for myself
5.
Vitamins 01:27
Oh, the doctors think it might've been The waking up at five AM To down a dozen vitamins And have a little cry But the body I was given Ain't the one I want to live in So if you're not using yours Drop a line And if it's money you desire Then just tell me where to wire it I'd set it all on fire If it meant I got the chance To tell a seamstress "Please, miss, take these wrists in I've got better things to paint" What a dream to watch your scars grow faint Under a dress all quaint For that, I'll Wait
6.
Holler House 02:03
You won't get much sleep in that house You wanna blow off steam well good luck Finding any relief to compete with her mouth She'll scream and shout Till she's red in the face There's no better place To bicker all your fickle little troubles away Just be ready to give what you take You'll pay more than green for your turn Handmaiden or queen, same price And the shorter your fuse Well the hotter she'll burn Take it from us We were in your shoes once New in town hearing rumors Bout a woman with a cutlass for a tongue In a house where she deals Degradation to her patients like a drug A villain to some But a savior to most She's gotta break you down So she can wake up your ghosts Torture your demons To free your soul So one by one we stepped in And one by one we crawled out Without a shred of a doubt We'd be back again Not a pill Not a bud Not a glass Could even hold a candle To a damsel as crass as she You won't get much sleep in that house
7.
Everyone knew the end of our story Before I even saw a flag (Ha, how sad is that?) Out of the blue you quit writing poetry And telling me how your day was I've waited so long to say that I can't save you from the way you stand there Waiting for your plants to die And you wonder why Aren't you growing tired of scattering remains And waiting to see if the weatherman's gonna change his tie 'Cause green means summer And fuschia brings the rain, they say Well do you recall The color he wore on the day The day we passed away Twenty degrees and she's refusing my sweater Says she's "better off this way" (That doesn't mean anything—what does that—what do you mean) Well there's superstitions and then there's you With your fetish for noticing the blemishes Your only defense is your horoscope said to be a pessimist I can't hate you But the way you made me feel like a losing bet I can't forgive just yet Aren't you growing tired of scattering remains And waiting to see if the weatherman's gonna change his tie 'Cause green means summer And fuschia brings the rain, they say Well do you recall The color he wore on the day The day we passed away When I didn't wanna be an artist if it meant That I'd become the hardest man to love To the girl who's shaking the eight ball A little too much Aren't you growing tired of scattering remains And waiting to see if the weatherman's gonna change his tie 'Cause green means summer And fuschia brings the rain, they say Well do you recall The color he wore on the day Oh, as I recall It was a lavender mauve on the day The day we passed away
8.
Mr. Rose 03:11
There's a man on the hill And his pockets are filled up with roses Though I don't see him often And I don't think he knows the problem that this poses For if I had to live without him I'd want nothing more to do with this mountain Mr. Rose, I don't suppose You'd want to spend your afternoon with me? We can walk through the garden Begging the pardon of the bluebirds You'll lay down on the lawn and I'll study your yawn I wish I'd met you sooner For Mother and Father just paid off the dowry But one look at you and my heart goes all flowery Mr. Rose, I don't suppose You'd want to break a rule or two tonight? For my days here are numbered If I end up under the thumb of a loveless man Who wants to lock all the doors I swear I'll run straight into the forest The surest I've ever felt of myself Is when you're on my mind There's a house with a window And inside that house lives a boy He might think I can't see when he stares out at me But oh, how it fills me with joy For life on the hill can be awfully bereft Of the moments that wake up an old man's chest So before my days end I'll wrap up a rose and send it down the way To the boy who made me feel like a boy again
9.
So you wanna marry Daisy Yeah, well, good luck with that You got about as much of a chance Of licking the brim of my hat 'Cause she's a purebred, her forehead's Worth about as much as your car So let's just say your little bouquet Won't get you very far But slow down there slick See my sleeves are full of tricks You just say the word and I'll have you birds Kissing at the Ritz And my price? It's nothing, it's cookie crumbs More of a steal if you ask me In terms of conditions, my friend I've only got three Rule one, congratulations, son You've been promoted to private eye I want a page a week on every word she speaks And brother, don't ask why Rule two, you see that window Right above mademoiselle's boudoir? Won't you be a doll and unlock it? I gotta make a quick withdrawal and a small deposit And last but not least Listen up close kid, this one's for your own good If that girl ever twirls her little brunette curls And leans in close to say "Meet me under the Magnolia tonight If you wanna get a little crazy" Well, you turn and run for the hills, straight and fast Because crazy's Daisy's way of saying You'll end up laying on the wrong side of the grass So you wanna marry Daisy Well, that death wish don't come free But a wicked dream needs a wicked schemer So thank heavens you met me She's got a two-ply, cream pie, uni degree In stealing from suckers like you, stealing ♪ She's got a two-ply, cream pie, hard knocks degree In feasting on suckers, on suckers like you
10.
Dear Hannah, There is a place that has no name Somewhere off the coast of Montpellier Someday we'll throw our phones like skipping stones Off a pier that would've made Monet moan And we can build a house for two Popsicle sticks and a little glue Long as it's you, dear I'm here to stay And if the tax man comes around Tell him that we both went fishing down There at the flea market for compliments We'll be the best-dressed pests in all of France Eating honey and mascarpone in the morning Visiting Nina Simone when it's pouring rain What do you say? We'll hide Florence in the floorboards And pour Paris in our glasses Grow Tarragona on the terrace 'Til the air smells like molasses We'll rub shoulders with sculptors And I'll tend to your rashes Oh at last, this silly little world is ours At last, this silly little world Is Ours

credits

released January 20, 2023

Produced by:
David Bashford, Philip Etherington, Allan Louderback

Mixed by:
David Bashford, Philip Etherington, Caleb Fisher

Mastered by:
Matthew Wolk

Album art by:
Spence Hood

Featuring:
Nati Dreddd, Hannah Flores, Justin Ray Stringer

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Spence Hood Seattle, Washington

Spence Hood is a Seattle-based “singer-popwriter” making melodic guitar- and piano-driven grooves with flares of jazz and R&B

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